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Cards Spicing Things Up With The Gorman Frill And Matt Libs

First, the bad news, Tyler O’Neill hit the IL with a right-shoulder impingement. Took how long for him to come up with some made-up injury? Hope it wasn’t very long, because it’s not believable. His exit velocity on his lame-ass excuse is almost as bad as his hitting. Take a TO, TO, you disappoint me. Replacing him…*drum roll*…Nolan Gorman is being called up for today’s game. Lezzzzzzzzzzzzzz Fudginnnnnnnnnnnnnn Gooooooooooooooooo! *jaw comes dislocated from screaming, goes to the hospital, doctor diagnoses me with Gormania* Gormania can’t be cured, according to WebMD. Does it matter that I keep wanting to call him Norman Golman? No, dude. So, he’s going to start at 2nd base, and Edman likely moves to the outfield. It’s about to get crowded in Saint Louie. Ugh, seeing they might have a cure for Gormania, it’s called a 35% strikeout rate. That’s not cool. Gorman could hit 45 homers, and .170. Here’s my Nolan Gorman fantasy; some stats might be a little off, but sentiment stays same. Also, I am go over Nolan Gorman at our Youtube channel. Click that link, hit subscribe and come back. Thank you! We’re halfway to thousand. Get us to thousand and never hear about it again. Here’s the video:

Also, getting the call was Matthew Liberatore to start on Saturday. If you think I’m slightly less enthused for Liberatore than I am for Gorman, you’re right. It’s a hitter vs. pitcher thing. Not much else. In 40 IP in Triple-A, Liberatore had 10.4 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, and 3.83 ERA, and he should have better command than that. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “For a while, Liberatore seemed fated to become a blip in trivia history as the player acquired for Rays postseason beast Randy Arozarena. After 2021, skies look a little clearer. The club jumped him over AA and let him throw 124.2 innings at AAA, where he was six years younger than his average competitor. He struggled at first (5.21 ERA, 1.29 WHIP, 1.87 HR/9 through 11 starts) but got better results over his final ten turns (2.67 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, 0.78 HR/9). The WHIPs here show some luck both ways, but the home run ball was clearly his bugaboo early, and he cut that by more than 100 percent over the 2nd half. His pitch shapes could still leave him vulnerable in that department (his fastball doesn’t ride), but he’s adding velocity as he ages and was burying that big curve with consistency by season’s end. If he keeps that up, he’ll be a nice addition to the Redbirds’ rotation this year. And Grey is a big dummy.” Honestly, that’s fair. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Juan Yepez – 3-for-5, and his 3rd homer, hitting .333. A Yepez dispenser gives out homers. A Ye Pez dispenser should give out fish sticks.

Dakota Hudson – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.60. If only Henry Hudson were alive today to see a Hudson pitch in New York. He would’ve loved hot pretzels.

Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .329. Au Shizz!

Harrison Bader – 3-for-5, 1 run and his 10th and 11th steals, and is 11 for 11 on steals. Nothing to add, except he is so freakin’ fast.

Brendan Donovan – 2-for-4, hitting .316. Cardinals’ devil magic just created a .500 OBP guy out of Brendan Donovan.

Max Scherzer – Hit the IL with a moderate to high-grade oblique strain, as announced here after others announced it, and I removed their names and added my own. Mets said Scherzer will miss six to eight weeks, so back by September? I kid. Kinda. I’d guess Scherzer misses two months, but it could be ten weeks. You shouldn’t have expected a full season from him anyway. I could say I told you so in last week’s Buy, Sell, Hold, that you can still see on our Youtube channel. Click that link, hit subscribe and come back. Thank you! If you’re a Mets fan, getting Scherzer and deGrom at the deadline is better than any trade! *dodges tomato* What?

Chris Bassitt – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.77. Bassitt threw two beautiful breaking balls to Goldy, then Bassitt dropped a slider on a tee that was dogsh*t. Dogsh*t makes me laugh, I’m sorry. Whenever I pick up Ted’s dogsh*t, I’m always reminded of the Seinfeld joke. He says (paraphrasing), if aliens ever landed here, they’d see humans picking up dog’s sh*t and think, “Well, dogs must be the leaders.” They are, by the way. Dogs, that is. Sorry if you’re a human person, I’m a dog person. We are not the same.

Pete Alonso – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and a slam (10) and legs (1), hitting .276. Albombso!

Trevor Story – 4-for-4, 5 runs, 7 RBIs and a triple slam (3, 4, 5) and legs (5). The Buy Low Window didn’t slam shut, it built a wall around itself, hired a Ronald Reagan impersonator to say, “Tear down this wall,” then added, “And build another one, paint it green, and put it in left field in Fenway.” Player Rater updates after midnight, so all I know is he’s at 245 overall, before this game. Pretty interested in seeing how much one game can move him up. I’m guessing up to 120 and over hundred slots. This might be the single greatest hitter game in history, but, ya know, a rookie was called up, so that took precedence. You know the Story…

J.D. Martinez – 4-for-5, 3 runs, hitting .344. If they didn’t have Enrique Hernandez (0-for-1) leading off and hitting .177, imagine what the Red Sox would’ve scored yesterday (or the day before or the entire season before).

Tanner Houck – 4 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.70. Did the Red Sox fix everything in the matter of one game, or what?

Julio Rodriguez – 3-for-5 and his 3rd homer, as he hit that off Brasier, who was immediately optioned for Michael Wacha. So, who’s having the last laugh? Wacha, Wacha, and maybe Jul-Rod.

George Kirby – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.60. Yesterday, Kirby was a Nintendon’t. Nah’mean? *snaps fingers, does a teapot* It was a terrible matchup, and I’d hold tight.

Daulton Varsho – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer. I don’t know this for a fact, but I’m 100% sure that Varsho and Christian Walker account for every single run the Diamondbacks have scored this year.

Mark Melancon – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 7.43, and his 8th save. Big year for the guys who were saying 14 months ago that Melancon isn’t any good. You’re finally correct. Yay you. The Dbags still obviously want to get Melancon all the saves.

Marcus Stroman – 5 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.88. He acts like he’s excited about starting with the Cubs, but the veneer slides off a little bit each time and he’s actually miserable.

Framber Valdez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.68. Ya know what’s not cool? Every major league pitcher conspiring to not let Marcus Semien homer.

Hunter Dozier – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .288. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column. It’ll be up in a few hours. You can hardly wait! No, you!

Carlos Hernandez – 3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 9.10. Chuck Hernandez, not just a name, but also a verb.

Luis Robert – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .301. *steps on rocket ship* Let’s go to the moon, Lou Bob.

Yu Darvish – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.91. Rob Schneider standing up in a crowd, “Yu can do it!”

Kyle Gibson – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.98. In a lot of ways, Gibson pitched better than Darvish yesterday. In one important way, he did not. (Earned runs.)

Bruce Zimmermann – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.48. I finally bit the bullet and streamed Zimmermann, and I can’t think of a more apt idiom than biting the bullet. Pretty good time to get in on a guy, when he’s facing the Yanks. Smart stuff, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate). Streamonator thinks it’s as idiotic, by the way.

Robinson Chirinos – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Uh-oh Chirinos!

Anthony Santander – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .235, and three homers in the last four games. Hot schmotato? Sure. Also, if the O’s didn’t move the fences out, he’d have 35 homers already. Don’t argue with facts.

Jorge Lopez – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.42, and the blown save. For what it’s Cronenworth, Lopez’s blown save was BS. Uh, I’m not literally writing an abbreviation.

Jordan Montgomery – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.35, and done after 76 pitches. Yanks announcers said something like, “That closes the book on Montgomery,” and all I could think:  It was more a pamphlet.

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, and the 1st visiting player to homer to left this year in Camden (el oh el, so stupid what they did with that park). Kicking myself every day that I didn’t buy into Rudy’s preseason rankings and draft Giancarlo in every league. Him and Judge are the only ones capable of hitting a home run with the medicine ball pitchers are throwing.

Cal Quantrill – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.48 vs. Tyler Mahle – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.23. This was a matchup of, “Two guys you don’t really trust, but you think you should trust,” and it’s sometimes billed as, “I’m not supposed to trust these guys, right? I always forget.” As for actionable advice, Quantrill is a Streamonator call, and Mahle is one of the bigger buy lows.

Tyler Naquin – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and his 2nd homer in the last two games. He’s kinda in this afternoon’s Buy column, but you don’t have to wait for that to grab Naquin. I pardon you!

Tony Santillan – 1 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.82, as he got his 2nd save. Alexis Diaz (1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.02) saw action in the 8th and gave up a run. Hey, he is just like his brother Edwin!

Max Meyer – Hit the minor league IL with ulnar nerve irritation. Excuse me, Fantasy Baseball Overlord, why can we not have anything nice? “Because,” then the FBO laughed for 20 minutes, finally, adding, “Excuse me, I have to hit the head.”

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